oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
