I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
