Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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