well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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