eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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