I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
