I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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