I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
