Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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