One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
