Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
