I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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