My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
