Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
