There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You are a genius and a whore.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
