Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
