Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
