Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
