You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
