there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm always down for nudity.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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