I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need a beard to bite.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize