I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
