oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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