I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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