It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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