Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
