I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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