Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
