why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
