I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
