just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
