I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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