You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
