this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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