some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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