he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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