My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
