so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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