I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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