dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am spending my child support on dildos
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
