...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
