i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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