Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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