ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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