im six kinds of drunk right now
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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