bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You're like the curious george of whores
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
