You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
