Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
