Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
