Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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