Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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