What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
