I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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