I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He kissed a someone with a penis
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
