i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
