In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
