I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
