is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
