I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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