I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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