with your own penis?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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