If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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