And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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