Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
