First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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