just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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