Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize