Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
