All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
