We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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