You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
