I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
