eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
