Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
