Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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