I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
